8.12

8.12 FAVORITES

1. MOVIE: UPTOWN GIRLS. I WATCHED IT FOR THE FIRST TIME THE DAY AFTER MY 24TH BIRTHDAY. IT WAS VERY MOVING FOR A GIRL LIKE ME. I’M STILL ON MY OWN PERSONAL TEACUP
2. SONG: JERSEY GIANT BY TYLER CHILDERS (NEVER BEEN RELEASED) THOUGH THE EVAN HONER JULIA DIGRAZIA COVER ON SPOTIFY IS NOT HALF BAD. MY DEAR FRIEND ALEX DID THIS AT KARAOKE, HE SANG LIKE AN ANGEL. AS HE DID, I REALIZED I KNEW ALL THE LYRICS EVEN THOUGH I’VE NEVER LISTENED TO THE SONG. WHICH THEN REMINDED ME OF MY FAVORITE PASSAGE FROM ALL THE PRETTY HORSES: “SO EVERYTHING IS NECESSARY. EVERY LEAST THING. THIS IS THE HARD LESSON. NOTHING CAN BE DISPENSED WITH. NOTHING DESPISED. BECAUSE THE SEAMS ARE HID FROM US YOU SEE. THE JOINERY. THE WAY IN WHICH THE WORLD IS MADE. WE HAVE NO WAY TO KNOW WHAT COULD BE TAKEN AWAY. WHAT OMITTED. WE HAVE NO WAY TO TELL WHAT MIGHT STAND AND WHAT MIGHT FALL. AND THOSE SEAMS THAT ARE HID FROM US ARE OF COURSE IN THE TALE ITSELF AND THE TALE HAS NO ABODE OR PLACE OF BEING EXCEPT IN THE TELLING ONLY AND THERE IT LIVES AND MAKES IT HOME AND THEREFORE WE CAN NEVER BE DONE WITH THE TELLING.” IT’S NICE TO KNOW WE KNOW HOW THE SONG GOES, EVEN IF WE’VE NEVER HEARD IT.
3. EXPERIENCE: MY BIRTHDAY.

8.12 – Many things happened this week. Birthdays are interesting because they force you to take stock. You realize who doesn’t really care all that much about you (humbling) and also understand that some people care a massive amount about you (lovely.) But the best part is there are always a few people who surprisingly show up in one of the categories. Your old coworker you haven’t spoken to in months who somehow knows your birthday reaches out, but your college best friend doesn’t. As I get older the number dwindles, the birthday text becoming increasingly obligational. I think this is interesting, because to me what makes the birthday text so wonderful is its neutrality. Of course it can serve many purposes, an olive branch, a reconnection, a vindication, but the means itself can- even if the intentions differ- just simply be saying “Happy Birthday.” It’s a free pass for communication, it’s common decency so it doesn’t have to mean anything.
Not sending a birthday text on the other hand- though the actual action neutral- is an act of malevolence. I always want to hear happy birthday, no matter who it is from, no matter what our last conversation was. Inaction is typically the weaker choice.